One of Ours

John Kerry is a douchebag, but I'm voting for him anyway...he's not actually a douchebag, or not nearly as much of one as what the media, George W., and even perhaps John Kerry himself have made him out to be. It seemed that every time I saw, heard, or read something about Kerry, his doucheness factor increased. It wasn't until I did just a little research on my own that it became clear that most of these occurrences could be explained by his lies, deception, media excess, or simply poor campaigning strategy. It is beyond vital that we all overlook these minor blemishes and unpleasantries, and unite in electing John Kerry to be the next president of the United States of America.

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...This is why I feel it is important to “clear the air” regarding some of the doucheier things that Kerry has done, been a part of, or been accused of doing. All of them have simple explanations, and in the end, stack up to almost nothing. When compared with his personal accomplishments, track record, and agenda, these instances prove to be nothing more than a spec of dirt on the bottom of his shiny, hopefully-soon-to-be-presidential shoes - when compared with the deeds of George W. Bush, they are naught but the sneeze of a field mouse against the sulfur and brimstone furnace-blast of unholy hell.

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...As I relaxed with a bowl of cold, leftover macaroni and cheese, an interesting clip was shown on my favorite news channel. I was treated to a segment from the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, during which John Kerry, clad in leather and denim, rode a Harley Davidson motorcycle onto the set and parked it right in the middle of the stage...My initial reaction, as should be the reaction of any card-carrying member of the Common Sense Club, was “Oh my God. What an ass.”...I don't have anything against motorcycle riders, but it seems that for every one I've met that is insightful, witty, or creative, there are a dozen that are indisputably the biggest dickfaces in the world. I may be wrong, but based on everyone I've ever talked to in my entire life, this seems to be the general consensus (exception: that show on the Discovery channel). It stands to reason that the only people who would be impressed by this stunt are males ages 12-15, and as we all know, this demographic has a poor showing at the polls year after year... he appears to be something of a motorcycle enthusiast, and it's a lot easier for most people to relate to a motorcycle enthusiast than, say, a yacht enthusiast, or a 24-karat-gold-bust-of-John-Denver enthusiast (not to imply that he is either of these). Kerry simply appears to have underestimated how douchey this stunt made him look. It is important to remember that this instance was just that – a stunt. It has little if anything to do with his political agenda, his stances on the issues, and certainly his ability to lead. It can be dismissed as folly without a single further thought...